Can I write how happy I was for the first time after these few months?
How do I put everything in words without being too obvious?
Ahhh.. This shall remain in my head instead.. =D
Eyelids are heavy now. Sweet dreams here I come!
I’m not missing in action. I’m just too wordless to write anything on my blog these days. I still sit in front of my laptop 100% 90% of the time. Visiting and revisiting websites like some manic OCD dude, Facebook camping and stuffs. Things that came out from my head recently were of no good at all. Why bother writing them down right?
Been busy. Overwhelming schedule as usual by this time of semester.
Sad things happened. Which made me re-realised the fragile-ness of life. Incidents that got me thinking, of how life would be for me if someone close to me pass away. Someone from my ex-uni was found dead in the rubbish dump after going missing in a marathon. A 4-flattish(?), active final year engineering student. Well, I remembered who he was cause he nodded smilingly everytime we crossed path. Never so close though. Still, point is a good life wasted. Just like that.
And 2 of my hamster babies died. One bitten to death by it’s mum, another died just like that or for reasons I might not know.
Ah fuck. Life’s too morbid for me nowadays.
I don’t wanna live my life with regrets. I wanna live like everyday’s the last day of my life. I don’t wanna go away unnoticed. I don’t wanna have “What if” feelings. Life’s too short to be ruined by some faggots and bitches. I wanna treasure each and every people close to me. Nobody can bring me down.
And I wanna go McD tonight! Hopefully.
Get this right, it’s also like a whore calling others cheap. Or simply one who doesn’t appreciate the people around them, saying they met with the wrong “friend” all over facebook. Pretending to others she’s the innocent “victim” there.
And people believed her. I fell for it once. How couldn’t I? She was being sooooooooooooooo “supportive”, being there for you whenever you’re down, being soooooooooooooo “caring” towards anyone in dillemma. Sad to say, I realised too late all those were part of her evil schemes for another grandiose plan in future. I was blind then. Not anymore. Eyes opened up, like how she hypocritically said.
Manipulated to confess love for her three fucking times. Each time I thought I was the one at wrong, forcing her to accept me. How naive of me when she dropped a few tears the last time. I thought I was the one over-interpreting her every moves believing she would one day accept me. And she showed how suffering she was back then to be pursued by me. Never did I imagine this is exactly what she wanted. To be an attention whore, to enjoy the process of seeing others saddening out their life for her. Like how she candidly told the faggot, “There’s an evil side of me. Don’t know why I did the things I did. Perhaps I was just testing my power on him.” I will tell you why, you promiscous whore. It’s satanic!! Oh, how I regret feeling the pain I felt for her.
There was never any misunderstanding in the first place. This is the sole reason I fucking hate her. Period.